Its been a while since I have posted anything, and in the meantime I have attended two figure drawing sessions and one costume session. I have also puttered around with a digital drawing of my kids as superheroes (maybe 65% finished). I still have that medusa battle shelved (likely permanently, chalked up as a training session). Another digital drawing, a “remake” of my Conan seen in the first blog post, also on the back burner, and of course I still have all those Dandle and Lion drawings I should start.
Any-hooo, I thought I would share some funny moments of the past two weeks to get my typing fingers warmed up:
First, let me take a moment to add that I DESPISE the clothing store Old Navy, though I’ve never been to one and never will, simply because I hate their commercials. This since the 90’s when they had some weird old woman with Harry Carrey glasses and a dog named Magic. I’m funny like that. If an advanced alien race ever came to earth to wipe out humanity, it will not be because we are constantly at war or that we are destroying our planet, it will be because any species that is depraved enough to conceive, create and distribute an abomination like an Old Navy commercial does not deserve to exist.
I am sure dear reader that you also have some song or film or other object that drives you irrationally bat shit. My wife harbors a deep hatred for some lady in a local commercial for a place called Tile Outlet, simply because she can’t stand the sound of her voice. A coworker of mine ranted about the Mona Lisa, she went off one day saying “What’s the big deal with that painting? Its ugly! what, cause she has a fucking smile? Its not a smile!”
Alright, now for the story:
The wife and I were watching tv one night, Seinfeld and King of Queens, and on comes a commercial for Old Navy. There they are, as always trying to be “campy” but instead coming off like a bunch of fucking idiots. I say “that’s why I could never be a model- I could never do stupid shit like that”. Without missing a beat, my wife turns her head, looks me up and down with raised eyebrows and says “You think that’s why you’re not a model?”
Oh! I burst out laughing, and we both had the giggles for the rest of the night. Another twisted part of me takes insults from my wife as flirting, so I was both startled and happily flustered at her burn. Of course not all insults are flirty, you can tell when someone is trying to be hurtful. I just enjoy a good natured insult from friends and family, because to me it shows they feel a level of comfort and equality with me.
The next day I told the story to one of the girls at work, and she told me a story of how she insulted her boyfriend days before:
“He went and bought his fat ass a jersey, he’s as big as you, and of course he doesn’t even know what size shirt he wears…”
“Did you just call me a fat ass?”
“I guess, so anyways he gets an XL and it fits just right, but after I washed it…”
“I guess I am a fat ass, I did the same thing- he needs a XXL to shrink down just right.”
“Yeah, so he puts it on and he’s like ‘it still looks ok, right?’ And I say ‘you look like an anaconda that just ate a deer!'”
Its such an odd thing about people how the exact same words spoken can have opposite meanings, simply by the way they are spoken or whether they come from a friend or stranger.